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1 Week. I’m better than I was last week. If only by a week.

I don’t like posting about my workouts.  Mainly because I’m embarrassed by them.  No self deprecation just a statement of fact.  But a week ago I wrote the blog “Today I hit play”.  It was very important to me.  I have no intention of actually “blogging” the entirety of my Insanity experience, because, who cares?  I mean, I care, but hopefully the experience will be more physical than meta-physical.  However I digress.

I am one week into the program.  I have been at this point 2 times before.  On this go around I started Insanity day 2, the day before James Marianos epic Harvard Saturday.  After that nightmare day pulling myself up on Sunday to press play was an awful experience.  Monday was worse. I had no idea exactly how many times you walk up and down the stairs in your home on any given day, but I pressed play.  On Tuesday I would have beaten an old woman to death for the use of her walker, but I pressed play.  Yesterday I could actually move a little better, and I pressed play.  And on this day I rested…not.  Dumbbell complex coming soon.  The discs are hard.  My body is weak.  My cardio is shit.  I’m tired.  I’m hungry.  I’m stressed the fuck out.  I press play.

Some of you know that I lost my medical bag at Harvard.  I was so pissed off at myself.  So stupid to leave it there.  I tallied up the general cost of what I lost and couldn’t possibly afford to replace it right now.  It’s been on my mind since Saturday.  Come Monday I was at level 11 on the raging asshole scale (mine goes to 20)  but on Monday night I pressed play.  And I dug at the pain in my legs, and I pushed till my shoulders shook, and I ran in place until I just couldn’t anymore.  At the end, and I do watch that little timer like a 5th grader waiting for school to be over, but at the end I sat down.  I breathed heavily and my mind was more clear.  My stress level had bottomed out.  I got over the bag.  Its gone.  So what, its just things and things don’t matter.  I was very much at peace with my issues.  Being very tired, I showered, I cooked dinner, I put the boy to bed, I watched Breaking Bad and I went to sleep.  I didn’t think about the bag, or any other “baggage” after that.

I read all the time about the benefits of exercise and one of them listed is always “stress relief” but for me the thought of exercise is stressful.  Like anything worth while in life you have to over come fear.  You need to go through hell to get to what you want or where you want.  Its not pleasant.  Very often it’s not pretty.  If you want it, you gotta earn it.  If you want to earn it, you gotta work for it.  I have been told that you will find either a way or you will find an excuse.  I don’t have the drive that many athletes do.  Its not my thing.  But I’m learning.  So right now I press play.  I can’t find an excuse not to do that.